You really coming over, don't trick.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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