Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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