We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize