Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think my mom watched the whole time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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