My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
