My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
