sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
