I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
