margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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