If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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