You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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