no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
