if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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