i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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