I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
