i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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