Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
