i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
