no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
