Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
