And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
