I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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