somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
