Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
