There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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