I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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