Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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