the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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