nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
