I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
