in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
