No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
