my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
