Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
