put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
