you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
