You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
