uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
