So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
