If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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