His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
