So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
