I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
