Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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