Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
