I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize