Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is it penis luge time yet?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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