i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
