her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
