i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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