Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
