Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
