Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
