puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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