6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
