hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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