my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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