Porn is love you can see.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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