I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
