You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
