so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
