I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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