I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.