we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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