I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?