so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
