yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime