So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.