I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.