your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize