he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
