I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.