What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?