Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

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  (805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k
  Replies (12) Good night (1379) Bad night (1570)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy

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  (318): i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy http://tfl.nu/15j4
  Replies (26) Good night (1404) Bad night (651)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

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  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (128) Good night (1325) Bad night (35103)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

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  (240): Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them. http://tfl.nu/3lq3
  Replies (18) Good night (5873) Bad night (715)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

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  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9812) Bad night (1049)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go

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  (214): Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go http://tfl.nu/uzsa
  Replies (27) Good night (5360) Bad night (1314)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.

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  (314): It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/ccuk
  Replies (8) Good night (530) Bad night (2481)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here

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  (319): Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here http://tfl.nu/2efd
  Replies (3) Good night (453) Bad night (1004)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (919): Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/9jhi
  Replies (8) Good night (386) Bad night (902)
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  (646): View more from New York

  i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.

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  (646): i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks. http://tfl.nu/tt2c
  Replies (5) Good night (339) Bad night (617)
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  (925): View more from California

  But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....

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  (925): But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age..... http://tfl.nu/e96s
  Replies (2) Good night (293) Bad night (536)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later

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  (587): You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later http://tfl.nu/y2r0
  Replies (6) Good night (936) Bad night (259)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?

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  (248): My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes? http://tfl.nu/xjpv
  Replies (1) Good night (413) Bad night (261)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny

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  (603): Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny http://tfl.nu/ui8a
  Replies (4) Good night (712) Bad night (243)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex

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  (+44): Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex http://tfl.nu/fkis
  Replies (1) Good night (596) Bad night (252)

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