he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies