oh good, I think they're gone
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
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Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something