Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?