walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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