These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
