I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
