when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
