my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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