I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Buhtt sex?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
